Tourists please be careful. Before you visit the land of fatty oxtail stew or mouth-watering ajo campero (a delicious puree of garlic, peppers, tomatoes, olives, oil, and bread), you should know an important rule about how to hold your napkin .
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Tips for visiting Seville
I’m embarrassed.
Now I am (I would like to think) an honorary adopted child of a European. After living in the southern Spanish city of Jerez from 2015 to 2018, with the precision of a nuclear physicist, I picked up a napkin (and actually used it), walked around in my shoes, and walked around the store. Now you know how to drink. At least one beer a day.
I’m back in Australia now, but my recent trip back to Andalusia reminded me of everything I learned there.
The remains of a small “botelin” of beer and strawberries. A winning combo.
With your chin perfectly clean, a cold Alhambra beer in your belly, the perfect angle of afternoon light shining onto your patio, and your ‘el teldo’ (shade) perfectly adjusted, Australia learns from Spain. Everything you need is here. It also includes a very important point, the rule for grabbing napkins, which I learned the hard way.
Use of napkins
It took me longer than necessary to learn this.
Did you know there’s a trick to picking up napkins? No one ever taught me this. It’s like it’s not written. But after months of fumbling and messing up the edges of three or four good napkins every time he tried to pick one up, he realized it. The top of the mountain. This lifts the edge and allows for precise grabs. This is especially important if you are sitting outdoors in the “Levante” wind.
La Sobremesa
The washing can wait. Have a chat. Or adult conversation. And one more drink. It’s extremely rude to clank pots and pans while your guests are still eating.
Parking at the roundabout
Hazard lamps will turn on. It’s churro time.
While this may not be considered civilized behavior, patience is a virtue. Something that is clearly missing in many places in Australia (cough, Bondi Road, cough…). And learning how to park at a roundabout (or next to a bakery) and developing the patience to not get upset by these violations is something of an art…
Queuing
“Quen S El Ultimo? ” (“Who’s the last one?”) is the first thing most people say when they arrive at their doctor and sit outside the GP’s door. This eliminates the need to wait in line. You just need to remember who is in front of you (“El Ultimo”) and pay attention to when they come in – so you know you’re next. People stand in line for the same thing everywhere – even when they’re lining up to buy churros on the side of a roundabout.
baby beer drink
Rustic country restaurants serving inexpensive young wines (‘most’) are also one of Spain’s specialties.
In both England and Australia, I received retrograde insults from close friends and family for ordering a half-pint. However, in Spain, sipping a small beer is not considered an indecent act. That is the default setting. Unless you ask for “Una Media” (which is only about 350ml), you will be served Caña (about 200ml).
Oh, and even smaller bottles are available in supermarkets (regular sized 350ml bottles are also available, but the cute little ‘botelins’, which don’t exist in Australia, are very popular). Even if I want to drink a lot, I still prefer this. Because you won’t be left with a flat, warm quarter pint or bottle that you have to gulp down with a grimace.
No coffee size
Marie Kondo would be proud.
In my experience in Spain, there is no “small” or “large” size when ordering coffee. It just comes. And it’s actually kind of a welcome relief, one less thing to remember.
Umbrella for moisture protection
I’m not a meteorologist so I have no idea how this works. But when the sun goes down, they take out the umbrellas and put them on the bar terrace (in winter) to protect you from the humidity.
nightlife
I don’t know what it is. But there’s a bit more sophistication to everything. Fewer 18-year-olds drinking Goon in the park, terrorizing other age groups with their anti-social antics, heading to clubs in the 11pm atmosphere, sitting on terraces drinking gin and tonics in the 11pm atmosphere. More and more family and friends are drinking it. Something more integrated or something. Plus, they know the secret to not getting bloated or hungover.
Local ties
From horse fairs to fire festivals (like the one in Extremadura where entire villages run around hitting each other with flaming brooms), Spain has great community bonding exercises.
polite toll booth
I prefer Sydney’s electronic toll system where you don’t have to stop at all, but when I was driving from Jerez to Malaga I stopped to pay at a toll booth and the robot very politely said “Thank you” It’s very nice to hear people’s gratitude. I paid my money and wish you a good trip.
soccer
Kids don’t have to be driven around or play in expensive academies to do well here. They can be seen casually playing everywhere, whether it’s on the street or in the park. Even Golden Retrievers have skills…
train bar
On a recent trip from Jerez to Madrid, the people nominally seated next to us stood up in the bar carriage to chat, eat ham “bocadillo” and drink beer. However, I spent the entire trip standing. It’s a crime that Australia doesn’t have this.
Bar staff treat customers like adults
Instead of revelers being viewed with extreme suspicion by bouncers, there are (in many cases) no bouncers. And instead of bar staff measuring out your gin and tonic in shot glasses or being extremely biased, they pour it freely in front of you, so you say “when” or “when” can do.La Botella Entella(They might not give you the whole bottle, but you’ll probably get a wink and a dash extra).