- Miriam Deriva moved to Singapore from Australia with her boyfriend in 2018 for work reasons.
- She landed her dream job in public relations, but the demands were high and her health suffered.
- When her savings ran out and the relationship ended, she moved back to Melbourne and started her own business.
This essay is based on a conversation with Miriam Deriva, a public relations professional in Melbourne, Australia. Edited for length and clarity.
When my ex-boyfriend received a job offer in Singapore in 2018, I moved in with him to pursue my dream of living outside of Australia. He received the offer in October and we moved in December.
I left my position as a global communications and content specialist and moved on. Initially, I had a tourist visa, so I started looking for jobs in public relations as soon as I arrived. I spent six months with her networking and pitching to get the role.
After taking a chance and organizing an International Women’s Day event for a recruitment agency, I was asked by the company’s Managing Director to take on a role as their in-house global communications specialist. I have a background in communications and public relations, and I heard that the managing director was a great leader. It seemed like a dream job, so I accepted it.
I had a hard time getting used to it for the first year.
australia and singapore Both have strong coffee and fitness cultures and high costs of living and rent.
They also differ in many ways. Humidity in Singapore is quite high. Australians enjoy small talk, smiling and eye contact in public. Social interactions are different in Singapore. It felt more transactional and no one talked to me except when necessary.
I’m starting to miss my friends, family and dog back in Australia. I also missed the quality produce, hiking, nature, wineries, and easy driving access.
My ex-boyfriend and I split the cost of rent, food, transportation, utilities, etc. However, the first year I spent all my savings buying drinks and dinner to make new connections.I underestimated How expensive is Singapore?added stress to my life.
During my second year in Singapore, my relationship became strained. In retrospect, we should have broken up, but I didn’t want to give up on our relationship so quickly. We worked through it, I stayed, and we got engaged in 2020.
I focused on work to distract myself.
I am a hard worker and am used to working long hours. Busyness of work in Asia It’s intense. I didn’t know how long my employer expected me to work. He would arrive between 7:30 and 9 a.m. and stay until 6 or 7 p.m., sometimes going out three nights a week to entertain clients.very different from australia work-life balance.
I was also used to the Western business style of setting up meetings with clients and immediately discussing business. In Asia, the situation is different and requires even more sociability. First, they were required to eat and drink with their clients, and it was not uncommon to entertain them until late at night. Perhaps after your second or third meeting with her, you will finally discuss business.
The company I worked for had high expectations, but there were times when relationships didn’t work out and I was burning the candle at both ends.After drinking too much alcohol and coffee Because of my work, the lining of my stomach became thinner and I started having health problems.
Everything culminated in a panic attack.
In May 2022, I was at a burger joint with my ex-boyfriend when I felt like someone was pressing on my esophagus and I couldn’t breathe. We went home, sat in a dark unstimulated room, and took deep breaths to feel normal. I realized something was wrong.
About a month later, I couldn’t breathe again and went to the emergency room. I didn’t feel supported and as I cried in the emergency room I thought to myself, “I don’t feel supported. “This can’t happen in my life. How can I go home to this man and continue working for an employer who doesn’t care about my health?”
The doctor said he believed I was. gastroesophageal reflux disease. He said he needed to change the way he worked, eat, and figure out what was causing stress in his life, or the situation would get worse.
I started going to therapy, which is expensive for an expat in Singapore. After about 6 therapy sessions, I realized that relationships were a big source of stress for me, as was my lack of boundaries at work. I couldn’t completely step away from work.
decided to make a change
I ended my relationship in October 2022 and immediately moved into a house with another expatriate.
I knew I needed to get back home to start feeling better and recover. My workplace was understanding of my health and the amount of stress I was going through after the breakup, so they allowed me to work remotely for a few weeks and I returned to Melbourne. But when work demands were still too great to spend Mother’s Day with my mom, I drafted a letter of resignation.
I feel so much lighter now and so happy. I quit what I thought was my dream job, but it just wasn’t for me.
After the breakup, I feel so strong, confident, happy, and fulfilled. I love who I am and how my life has unfolded. And I’m glad I took the plunge to separate myself from the life I once knew in order to build a life I’m proud of.
I now run my own public relations company.
After returning to Australia, I started my own business. I teach PR to students and help clients create public profiles. It’s great to have creative freedom.
I can’t promise to stay in Melbourne forever because I’m just starting to explore the world and love being a global citizen. I miss Singapore and its more efficient trains, airport and grocery stores. I’m sad that the friends I made there have become family, but I’m glad to be back home.