Is it a sign of weakness for a leader to cry in public?
On January 14, 2023, Denmark’s Crown Prince Frederick was crowned King Frederick X after his mother, Queen Margrethe II, announced in her annual New Year’s Eve speech that she would abdicate the throne.
After the Queen signed the abdication declaration in a private meeting, the King appeared on the balcony of Denmark’s parliament, Christiansborg Palace. In front of a crowd of 300,000 people, the king shook his hand, shed tears, shook his hand again, then wiped his tears with a white-gloved hand. Later, when his wife and children joined him on the balcony, he shed more tears.
The New York Times, Washington Post, and Guardian enthusiastically reported on this emotional moment. A headline in a Danish newspaper simply read “Tears of the King,” and a Danish celebrity magazine featured a series of photos of the King wiping his eyes.
In many parts of the world, tears and masculinity don’t mix. Crying can show vulnerability and weakness, especially for men in charge. If you show your emotions, you will be seen as effeminate.
But in Denmark, the king’s tears did not diminish his popularity. In fact, they polished it off. Showing your feminine side is a core part of Danish masculinity.
As a Danish-born psychologist, I have studied the uniquely Danish concept of masculinity as opposed to American masculine ideals.
What makes a man?
Different cultures have different expectations about how men should act, look, and present themselves.
American men are often expected to be tough, strong, and stoic. It is important not to look too feminine.
Research shows that in Denmark it is acceptable and even desirable for men to show their feminine side.
In a study of masculinity and masculinity in the United States and Denmark, my colleagues Sarah DiMuccio and Megan Yost and I found that among young heterosexual men, Danish men were more likely than American men to identify with their ideal man. They found that people were more likely to describe themselves as caring, loving, thoughtful, and empathetic. , in the United States this is usually considered a feminine trait.
Many of the young Danish men in our study admired these qualities in their male friends and expressed deep love for them. They talked about long phone conversations and hugs. They routinely said “I love you” and used heart emojis in their text messages.
They didn’t seem too concerned about being seen as effeminate. Because they didn’t think that avoiding being girly was part of being a man.
Instead, many of the Danish participants in our study expressed masculinity in contrast to their boyhood. Simply put, you are no longer a boy, but you are still a man.
This made their masculinity less unstable. It was seen as purely developmental, rather than something that needed constant reinforcement.
A-Digit/DigitalVision Vector (via Getty Images)
In contrast, American men contrasted masculinity with femininity. He’s not a woman, but he’s a man. For example, one participant was asked how their siblings would react if they did something that was considered unmanly.
“By hitting (me) a little bit and calling me a girl,” he replied.
The positioning of being a man in relation to being a woman makes being a man even more unstable. It must be continuously strengthened. For the American men in our study, suppressing feminine traits, including emotional expression, is a way of making others think they are “man enough.” That was one of the ways.
In another study investigating Danish men’s masculinity, the men said the ideal man should have an emotional side. For them, it was a symbol of balance and reliability.
When men were asked about public figures or male celebrities who exhibited the most acceptable masculinity, many men even mentioned then-Crown Prince Frederic. They see him as a good mix of traditionally masculine traits (he has served in the military and is athletic) with softer, more feminine traits, and he She cared for others, talked about her feelings, and was passionate about raising children. He sometimes picks up the kids from daycare on his cargo bike.
The men in the study added that a good father should be more than just a provider. He should be there, caring for the kids, and being involved.
Gender in a land of equality
Why are there such big differences in the concept of masculinity between these two Western countries?
It may have something to do with the fact that Denmark has one of the highest gender equality ratings in the world. For example, in 2021, the United Nations ranked the United States 44th in gender equality after evaluating health outcomes, political representation, and labor force participation for men and women. Meanwhile, Denmark was ranked as the most gender equal country in the world.
In the Danish workplace, employees and employers are on a more equal footing. Managers tend to exercise an informal, open, trusting, participative, and democratic leadership style. We value work-life balance.
This leadership style subverts traditional notions of masculinity because it focuses on shared values such as empathy, collaboration, and relationship building. This is called “agentic leadership” in psychology and is in contrast to traditional masculine leadership, which emphasizes control, power, and results.
Americans tend to champion more masculine values and attitudes in the workplace. In one experimental study, American men who cried in response to a negative performance review were judged more harshly than women who cried in the same situation because it violated expectations of appropriate masculine behavior.
The presence of royalty in an egalitarian country like Denmark may seem strange to some. However, King Frederik X, who has a more cultural and ceremonial role, simply embodies Danish sensibilities.
At parties, you can cry if you want. By doing so, he will be loved even more.